Gonna Make You Nut

Beau Jágr Sheldon (2017) made this and they are not at all sorry

Get together like, four friends who have just as little shame as you, in a private place. Find a bunch of dirty stories, preferably less than 500 words, the dirtier the better. Get a pound of unshelled peanuts (salted or not, that’s your naughty preference). Put on some sexy, but quiet, music. Sit down together and take turns reading the stories, paragraph by paragraph around in a circle.

During this time, players who aren’t reading should put a peanut between their palms, and when something in the story is mentioned that they like - dirty or romantic or whatever - they should rub the peanut between their hands roughly while the subject is being discussed, at minimum one second, aiming to slough off the shell.

If you get through the first story and anyone’s shell has not started to break, put down that peanut and set it aside. For every failed nut they have, the player must - when rubbing their nut the next time - repeat “oh please” that number of times. If anyone has more than 3 failed nuts, they get to read, but can’t rub their nuts. How frustrating!

When someone’s shell breaks, they pull out the peanuts and shove them in their mouths, then say “oh, fuck, my nuts!” with their mouths full. Play continues. There is no limit to how many times people can bust their nut.

Play continues until everyone’s busted their nut, or until everyone’s just too exhausted to go on.

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Those with nut allergies should avoid this game. Also, there should be sexual content.

Required Base Materials, if you don’t want to read the text:

4-5 people

Dirty stories, loads of ‘em

1 lb unshelled peanuts, salted or not Quiet, sexy music optional

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